The Queen

I used to be the queen of stuffing my feelings down

Forget it

Move on

Act like it never happened

Parade around town

Talk about it?

Cry?

Oh, I don’t have time for that

You see the sink full of dishes?

You hear the baby crying?

Those bills piling up?

That’s my responsibility and I don’t see anyone lining up

To help me take care of that

So the feelings keep getting stuffed down

Until they began to seep out

Abruptly tipping my crown

I can’t find my keys

And I have a breakdown

I accidentally burn dinner

And I have a meltdown

I lose sleep

I clench my jaw

I’m so tense

I can’t relax

Nightmares ensue and I’m under attack

I used to be the queen of stuffing my feelings down

Cause I don’t want people to see

I don’t wanna “go there” with me

Feelings are just so messy

And when I cry my face gets red

My eyes get all puffy

The room fills with dread

I curl up in the fetal position and stare at the wall

My inner resolve

Slipping.

My fall from grace is imminent

I used to be the queen of stuffing my feelings down

Now

I just allow myself to look ridiculous and I let it all out

I cry

I sob

I express my feelings

whether they make sense or not

I allow my complexities to show

I allow myself to be vulnerable

Funny thing I viewed my sadness and grief as a weakness

However, I grew closer to people when I began to share

And I discovered that I wasn’t alone after all

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